Tag Archives: JoJo

Bachelorette Final 4 Power Rankings

4.) Robby

Robby sucks.

Personality isn’t the foundation that this show is based on, I know, but Robby doesn’t seem like a guy who has friends. Which is sad and I hate to say that about someone, but it’s true.

Robby seems like he’s constantly worried and/or hiding something.

Generally where there’s smoke there’s fire. And there’s more to his breakup with his girlfriend.

Maybe he didn’t break up with his girlfriend just to get on the show, but why are we acting like that’s not a smart career move? Moral? No. But this is the damn Bachelorette. Let’s settle down with this moral compass bullshit.

His ex-girlfriend’s roommate is talking smack about Robby and that’s normally not a good thing. If you don’t/didn’t get along with your girlfriend’s best friend, chances are you done messed up or you suck. I’ll give Robby the combo platter.

I don’t think Robby will get eliminated. It’ll probably be Chase, the poor man’s Jordan Rodgers.

But I think Robby sucks. And he sucks at Instagram.

 

True story… #beard #game #strong

A photo posted by Robby Hayes (@roberthunter89) on

Cool post, bro.

I also don’t like how his dad told JoJo to call him “Coach.” That’s weird.

He’s also the least attractive person in his family, IMO.

3.) Chase

You really gotta feel for Chase.

He’s a good-looking dude in a vacuum, but when he’s next to Jordan or Luke, he’s the ugly third brother, similar to how Jordan’s real brother probably feels.

Chase is finally opening up to JoJo, but like another JoJo once said, it’s just too little too late.

By this point, everyone has their own narrative. JoJo’s is that Ben didn’t love her as much as he loved Lauren. But he still loved her and that shit hurts worse.

Jordan’s is that he doesn’t get along with Aaron. Robby’s is his ex. Luke’s is that he’s super boring.

Chase finally revealed what he’s been hiding for so long.

HIS PARENTS ARE DIVORCED.

Just like 50 percent of people in the USA. HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO RELATE TO THIS TRAGEDY?!

Obviously divorce is sad. But let’s not act like this is a huge issue. It sucks, sure. And for JoJo, if this is the only drama Chase brings to the table, shit, he might just be the logical pick.

I also hope Chase has finished his stairs. Seemed unsafe AF.

2.) Luke

I didn’t hear JoJo say that Luke had to go. I was too busy mixing a raspberry vodka drink. But apparently that’s a thing that happened.

My girlfriend thinks Luke is going home this week, but I don’t see it. I felt like these two had the best hometown date, even though Luke invited the whole damn town to his date.

Maybe Luke goes home. And if he does, he’s the favorite to be the next Bachelor, right? He’s not as lovable as Ben was, but my god, please no Robby and please no Chase. Please.

If that does happen, we need to get him some bigger pants. Little Luke needs to breath.

 

1.) Jordan

Jordan is still the favorite. Yeah, it sucks that JoJo won’t be able to hang out with Olivia Munn, but such is life.

I had a few issues with their hometown date.

First off, why isn’t there a goddamn statue of Aaron Rodgers at this school? If you produced Aaron Rodgers, why the hell would you have pictures of anyone else on the wall? Especially a nerdy looking Jordan Rodgers. Rodgers wasn’t even that good as a senior, throwing 14 touchdowns and eight interceptions in 12 games. His team went 8-3-1. That’s fine. Good for you. You’re still not Aaron Rodgers.  When JoJo asked him if a picture was Aaron, Jordan didn’t even look at the picture. He looked broken.

JoJo couldn’t help to notice that something was missing during dinner. But if the family just didn’t put two empty damn chairs there nothing would have seemed like it was missing. Take the chairs out and spread out a little. Obviously a move from the producers, but still obnoxious.

Jordan is going to win, but we’ve known that for quite a while already.

 

 

What I Know So Far After Watching 20 Minutes Of “The Bachelorette”

For better or worse, I’ve only been able to watch about 20 minutes of this season’s “The Bachelorette.”

I’ve never actually watched a season of it, but after getting hot and heavy into last season of “The Bachelor,” I decided that tonight, June 6, I would start watching the show every Monday night from here on out. It certainly helps that I know JoJo from getting her heart effin’ straight stomped on by Ben last season.

Like I said, I’ve watched 20 minutes of this nonsense with my GF and our neighbor after arriving home from a softball game. So I know pretty much nothing.

Here are a few observations on characters from what I gathered in 20 minutes. Let me know if I’m even remotely close.

JoJo – Still very boring, IMO.  I was reminded that she wore a goddamn horse mask the first time she met Ben. She should have been eliminated on the spot. Still trying to figure out what exactly she’s looking for here. At least the contestants know that her dad is part of some sort of mafia, her brothers are huge d-bags and her mom has gone through more plastic surgeries than Janice Dickinson.

Alex – Dude had a super awkward confrontation with Chad after Chad talked to JoJo outside before the rose ceremony. Would I be pissed at Chad? Yeah, but if I knew I was going to confront him like a nervous teen asking a girl to the school dance I just would have been quiet.

Ali – He never talked during the 20 minutes I watched. Nothing to report.

Chad – Chad. This guy. He doesn’t give AF, but he probably should.  Chad is the guy that all other guys hate. If you don’t have a guy like Chad in your group, you’re Chad. Sorry. This guy had like 3,000 calories of meat in like 12 minutes. He doesn’t care what other people think, which is sometimes cool, when it has to do with world issues and shit like that. This guy is just a dick and everyone hates him. He reminds me of Olivia. Instead of having weird feet, he just eats a lot of deli meat.

Chase – No idea. Has a forgettable face, though.

Christian – I thought I saw in the outtakes that he stripped down and jumped in a tub. So that’s kind of weird. And then JoJo just put her feet in the water and her foot “accidentally” touched something under the water. Not sure why this didn’t make the actual show. Seems like it should have.

Derek – Nope.

Daniel – Hoping he does something really stupid so I can be like, “Damn, Daniel!”

Evan – He has loose strands of hair and to be quite frank, that gives me the willies.

Grant – Looks like he should be the lead singer for some sort of indie rock band.

James F. –Looks like a normal dude, which us normal dudes can appreciate.

James Taylor – Apparently he’s a singer and he even played JoJo a song, which is a super original thing to do for a singer. I think it earned him the rose, so his ballsy move paid off. I appreciate the fact that he looks the opposite of Chad, which is sincerely a compliment.

Jordan – This is Aaron Rodgers’ brother, FYI. And sorry, Jordan AKA former pro quarterback (lol), but I find it very hard to believe you lack the ability to find a significant other. This is a straight publicity move by someone who doesn’t need it. Does JoJo know that he’s Aaron Rodgers’ brother yet? Someone answer me. Does Olivia Munn watch the show? Is she reading this blog?

From what I remember, Andy picked Aaron Murray’s brother two seasons ago, so if you’re the less successful brother of an NFL quarterback and single, “The Bachelorette” seems like a natural fit.

Luke B. – Not sure who he is, but his hair needs to do less.

Nick B., Robby, Vinny and Wells –  No clue who these guys are, either. I’ll learn tonight. I will say Wells is a sick-ass name.

Update on KAT

Here's KAT hanging out with his friend Kevin Love.
Here’s KAT hanging out with his friend Kevin Love.

We’ve had KAT for a little more than a week now. He’s still the bomb.com. He is starting to go to the bathroom in his poop box, so that’s good. In negative news, he’s starting to bite a little bit more. It was super adorable when he just licked my hand and then fell asleep. Now he’s biting it like Tony The Tiger on crack. That’s alarming. He’s also learned how to climb into bed, which is cool and all at 3 p.m., but not so much at 3 a.m.

That’s all for now. I’ll post something tomorrow to reflect on how big of a d-bag Chad is.

Bachelor Power Rankings | WTF Olivia

 

This week’s Bachelor episode ended in “To Be Continued” which I hate. This is the Netflix era, ABC. You can’t do us like that.

Spoiler: Ben sent Jubilee home because she sits like a crazy person.

The episode ended after Amanda and Emily told Ben that Olivia is a bully. And props to them. I think it was Emily who asked whether or not she could love someone who can have feelings for someone as horrible as Olivia. And that’s a legit question. Especially for a show like “The Bachelor.” We aren’t used to that.

This is the show that had a Bachelor who said, “Es OK” 20 times an episode.

Without delay, here are this week’s rankings. Enjoy.

1.) Lauren B.

Ben and Lauren B. made out at least four times this week. He took her away from the girls for what seemed to be at least 20 minutes, or enough for Lace (miss you) to get absolutely shitfaced.

I’m not sure if Ben likes it or not when Lauren B. says things about being with him forever, meeting his parents and adopting Amanda’s kids. But things seem to be going great with these two.

(OK, she didn’t say one of those things.)

Side-note: Lauren B. is 5 feet 7 inches tall. WUT? She looks like she’s a foot short The internet doesn’t lie, though.

Yes, I’ve read all their bios.

I’ve also noticed Lauren B. is genuinely pleased when someone else gets a one-on-one date. That’s probably because she knows she has this shit locked up already.

2.) JoJo

JoJo was pretty chill in this episode. She wore a Beetlejuice top at what was supposed to be the rose ceremony and we confirmed that her and Becca are the only two people on the show that drink beer.

Despite having a minimal role throughout most of the episode, JoJo did the right thing when grabbing Ben after he dismissed Jubilee. We were all expecting Olivia to pop out and starting complaining about her damn cankles again. Good for JoJo.

3.) Amanda

I just want to know how Amanda looked so damn flawless when she woke up at 4 a.m. for her one-on-one date? It takes me at least three hours after waking up before I look like a human being. Then again, that probably has to do with the eight glasses of wine I had last night.

Amanda is sweet. Her last husband was a scumbag. And her and Ben’s date didn’t include a hot tub. I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing. Or maybe an intern dropped the ball.

Props to her and the other girls for ratting out Olivia. If one girl does it, you never know how Ben would have taken it. But two. Well, we could be on our way to sending Olivia home.

Question for you: Is Amanda’s voice annoying or sweet? I can’t tell.

3.) Caila

Not much to report on the Caila front. She needs to get back into the game somehow, though.

Reminder: Caila admitted to breaking up with her boyfriend because she saw Ben ON TV. Again. That is something you should never, ever admit. It’s like telling someone you collect hamsters who has never met you before. Or like farting on the first date. Just hold it in.

4.) Becca

She drinks beer and she’s still a virgin. That’s pretty much it out of Becca-land.

5.) Lauren H. 

I still don’t know what to think about Lauren H. She’s not at all like the other girls. She’s a lot like JoJo in the fact that she just doesn’t seem to give a shit what anyone thinks. She’s kind of nerdy and definitely got good looking at a late age. She doesn’t act like a “hot girl.”

Yet, I’m not completely sold that Ben is attracted to her. She’s got everything together, unlike some of the others, but it doesn’t leave much mystery.

The fashion show was fun and Ben’s hair looks much better with some volume. Do with that advice what you will, Ben Higgins.

The real question is if a contestant can win after dressing up like a chicken for a talent show. Huge obstacles to overcome. I once missed 14 free throws in a middle school basketball game, though, so anything is possible.

6.) Olivia

My God. Olivia is the worst.

And she’s 23 years old. Think about how much you’d hate her if you worked with her. You would definitely have side email chains going on with coworkers. This is also your opportunity to feel extremely old and worthless.

I’m 25 and I had Cheerios for lunch. I’ve definitely got my shit together.

With Olivia, it’s not necessarily just that fact that she’s a giant, well, you know. She’s insecure (cankles, toes). She has bad breath. She looks into everything.

“Ben grabbed my waist. It’s a sign.”

STFU. No it’s not.

And with all of that, it looked like she was going back on top of the power rankings after getting a rose from Ben (over Lauren B.). But then Emily and Amanda snitched on Olivia and shit hit that fan. We think. We all have Olivia on the bottom of our mental rankings, but the “To Be Continued” leaves some mystery. We don’t know how Ben reacts to this. In a podcast I listen to, Ben admits that he has no idea what is going on behind the scenes during the season. He’s off by  himself until the dates.

Just something to consider. Olivia is the worst, but Ben probably doesn’t know that yet.

7.) Jennifer

I want Jennifer to be higher. She seems nice and like she has a good sense of humor, but we really don’t know anything yet. She spoke up a little to Ben this week. Maybe a one-on-one next week?

She certainly needs it.

8.) Emily

Emily won’t win, but she beat out her twin sister, so she’s already a winner in mom’s book.

She did a good thing throwing Olivia under the bus, much like she threw her sister under the bus.

But then there was the awkward conversation with her sister on the phone. Was she crying? Was she laughing? Was her sister like, ‘Yeah, umm. Remember when Ben picked you over me in front of mom and our fat dogs? I don’t want to talk about this.’

I would also like to know what her new occupation is. Former twin? Twin killer?

9.) Leah

She’s an intern, right?

It kind of speaks to how little he felt for Jubilee considering he’s keeping around Leah, a person I’ve never seen him talk to yet.

That’s all I’ve got this week. Talk to you folks next week.