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What I Know So Far After Watching 20 Minutes Of “The Bachelorette”

For better or worse, I’ve only been able to watch about 20 minutes of this season’s “The Bachelorette.”

I’ve never actually watched a season of it, but after getting hot and heavy into last season of “The Bachelor,” I decided that tonight, June 6, I would start watching the show every Monday night from here on out. It certainly helps that I know JoJo from getting her heart effin’ straight stomped on by Ben last season.

Like I said, I’ve watched 20 minutes of this nonsense with my GF and our neighbor after arriving home from a softball game. So I know pretty much nothing.

Here are a few observations on characters from what I gathered in 20 minutes. Let me know if I’m even remotely close.

JoJo – Still very boring, IMO.  I was reminded that she wore a goddamn horse mask the first time she met Ben. She should have been eliminated on the spot. Still trying to figure out what exactly she’s looking for here. At least the contestants know that her dad is part of some sort of mafia, her brothers are huge d-bags and her mom has gone through more plastic surgeries than Janice Dickinson.

Alex – Dude had a super awkward confrontation with Chad after Chad talked to JoJo outside before the rose ceremony. Would I be pissed at Chad? Yeah, but if I knew I was going to confront him like a nervous teen asking a girl to the school dance I just would have been quiet.

Ali – He never talked during the 20 minutes I watched. Nothing to report.

Chad – Chad. This guy. He doesn’t give AF, but he probably should.  Chad is the guy that all other guys hate. If you don’t have a guy like Chad in your group, you’re Chad. Sorry. This guy had like 3,000 calories of meat in like 12 minutes. He doesn’t care what other people think, which is sometimes cool, when it has to do with world issues and shit like that. This guy is just a dick and everyone hates him. He reminds me of Olivia. Instead of having weird feet, he just eats a lot of deli meat.

Chase – No idea. Has a forgettable face, though.

Christian – I thought I saw in the outtakes that he stripped down and jumped in a tub. So that’s kind of weird. And then JoJo just put her feet in the water and her foot “accidentally” touched something under the water. Not sure why this didn’t make the actual show. Seems like it should have.

Derek – Nope.

Daniel – Hoping he does something really stupid so I can be like, “Damn, Daniel!”

Evan – He has loose strands of hair and to be quite frank, that gives me the willies.

Grant – Looks like he should be the lead singer for some sort of indie rock band.

James F. –Looks like a normal dude, which us normal dudes can appreciate.

James Taylor – Apparently he’s a singer and he even played JoJo a song, which is a super original thing to do for a singer. I think it earned him the rose, so his ballsy move paid off. I appreciate the fact that he looks the opposite of Chad, which is sincerely a compliment.

Jordan – This is Aaron Rodgers’ brother, FYI. And sorry, Jordan AKA former pro quarterback (lol), but I find it very hard to believe you lack the ability to find a significant other. This is a straight publicity move by someone who doesn’t need it. Does JoJo know that he’s Aaron Rodgers’ brother yet? Someone answer me. Does Olivia Munn watch the show? Is she reading this blog?

From what I remember, Andy picked Aaron Murray’s brother two seasons ago, so if you’re the less successful brother of an NFL quarterback and single, “The Bachelorette” seems like a natural fit.

Luke B. – Not sure who he is, but his hair needs to do less.

Nick B., Robby, Vinny and Wells –  No clue who these guys are, either. I’ll learn tonight. I will say Wells is a sick-ass name.

Update on KAT

Here's KAT hanging out with his friend Kevin Love.
Here’s KAT hanging out with his friend Kevin Love.

We’ve had KAT for a little more than a week now. He’s still the bomb.com. He is starting to go to the bathroom in his poop box, so that’s good. In negative news, he’s starting to bite a little bit more. It was super adorable when he just licked my hand and then fell asleep. Now he’s biting it like Tony The Tiger on crack. That’s alarming. He’s also learned how to climb into bed, which is cool and all at 3 p.m., but not so much at 3 a.m.

That’s all for now. I’ll post something tomorrow to reflect on how big of a d-bag Chad is.

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