Sweet 16 Predictions | In Buddy We Trust

Kyle’s note: Before reading this, remember that none of this reflects the opinions of the Minnesota Timberwolves. This is all me.

Now, let’s roll.

I watched three games of NCAA basketball this season and two were at The Barn to watch the Golden Gophers play and while I trust Richard Pitino to turn the program around, I’m not so sure I can even count those two games.

So yeah, I watched one college basketball game prior to the tournament. But definitely keep reading this column. I definitely know what I’m talking about.

Two of my four brackets are still alive, which is probably better than most people. Michigan State still has Mateen Cleaves crying his eyes out while scrolling through photos of Tom Izzo on Google Images.

And West Virginia, well, I don’t know anything about the Mountaineers besides the fact that a man named Kevin Pittsnogle played there.

Pittsnogle is now a car dealer in his hometown of Martinsburg, West Virginia. The more you know.

Here are my picks for the Sweet 16 games:

THURSDAY NIGHT

Villanova over Miami

This is mostly because Jay Wright is what I strive to look like in 20 years from now. Very unlikely, but we can dream. Wright said something in his last postgame press conference that he and his best player, Ryan Arcidiacono, don’t even really talk because they are always on the same page and came from the same area.

Not talking to your best player doesn’t seem like the best move, but whatever, go Wildcats!

Oklahoma over Texas A&M                              

Okay, let’s just get this out of the way. The only reason why Texas A&M is in this game is because every kid on Northern Iowa was kissed by a band of Dementors with less than a minute left in that game.

I’m a fan of Buddy Hield. I’ve watched highlights of him all year and man, is he fun to watch. You’re wrong if you think the guy can just shoot threes. He had a sick hesitation move against VCU that gave everyone in the bar an ‘oh shit’ look. And the good ‘oh shit’ look. Not the ‘can I use the bathroom please?’ look.

The only bad thing is that the Sooners will only go as far as Buddy brings them. If we’ve learned anything about college basketball, that’s normally not a good sign.

In Buddy We Trust.

Kansas over Maryland

It seems like every expert I listen to/read is picking the Jayhawks to win it all.

But Maryland has like two or three NBA prospects on its squad, which seems like it’s a useful thing.

Maybe the Terrapins can win?

Hell, what am I talking about? The Terrapins lost to the Gophers. Kansas by 50.

Duke over Oregon

Rooting for Duke is like rooting for the Yankees. You generally have no reason to do so unless you have the weird urge to make everyone hate you.

I have a friend/co-worker and his favorite teams are the Green Bay Packers and the Yankees.

Well, isn’t that unbelievably convenient?!

He’ll claim that he’s a fan because his dad is. My dad would much rather watch a hunting show than any sporting even besides wrestling. I go deer hunting once a year and normally fall asleep in my stand.

You can change history, Sam.

Watching Grayson Allen and Brandon Ingram scares the hell out of me if I’m on the Ducks. And then you add in guys like Plumlee XI rolling to the basket and Luke Kennard taking “I HAVE BIG BALLS” shots.

This isn’t your typical Duke team, which actually might be a good thing.

FRIDAY NIGHT

Virginia over Iowa State

Virginia is a very boring team to watch, which is exactly what coach Tony Bennett wants. Defense, defense, defense. Rooting against anything from Iowa (besides my friends Preston, Alli, Steve and Mike) is pretty easy to do.

Iowa is out. Northern Iowa is out. Iowa State, you’re next.

Iowa? More like Byeowa.

(My God. I’m sorry for that.)

Wisconsin over Notre Dame

My girlfriend went to Wisconsin. That is all.

Gonzaga over Syracuse

After all these years of picking Gonzaga to go far, here they are, finally doing it as an 11 seed. The son of Arvydass Sabonis seems like a pretty good player. You can’t take anything away from Syracuse. Jim Boeheim and company are in the Sweet 16, but the path hasn’t exactly been Fury Road. Dayton and Middle Tennessee State aren’t exactly wins that have us dreaming of the ‘Cuse ‘Melo dayz.

Somewhere Adam Morrison is licking his mustache.

On a sidewalk.

North Carolina over Indiana

This is a hellish matchup for the Tarheels and thoughts and prayers go out to John Calipari and the Wildcats. Playing the Hoosiers in the second round is a tough matchup.

I have North Carolina winning it all in one of my brackets and I’m afraid because this might be its toughest matchup of the whole tournament.

Let’s look at it:

If the Tarheels win, they’ll play Notre Dame or Wisconsin. They will then go onto play Virginia, Gonzaga, Iowa State or Syracuse. I mean, who out of that group are you super afraid of besides Virginia?

Give me the Tarheels in this one, but if the Hoosiers do win, don’t be shocked if they make a run to the championship.

What am I doing for the games tonight? Barley sodas. Couch. And opening basketball cards with my roommate.

I’m 25.

March Madness indeed.

The Bachelor Recap | Ben Has Created A Monster… Himself

Where to begin.

If you’re reading this, you watched this week’s Bachelor episode. If you haven’t, well, I’m not sure how you watch and read about your shows, but I think you’re doing it wrong.

Let’s start with Caila.

Caila

You feel for her. You really do. And you kind of think that if she would have been the third date, Ben would have dropped the love bomb on her and everything would be fine. But she didn’t get the third date. Now she’s at home. Or making fake houses in a puddle of her own tears.

I thought Caila’s date went extremely well and it kind of signified what relationships are like. Caila was a little off to begin and then opened up throughout the date. It seemed like Ben’s dates with Lauren and JoJo went perfect, but it was kind of cool watching Ben and Caila’s relationship develop throughout the episode and the last few weeks.

A few observations from Caila in the episode:

  • Good for her for going out of the car to ask Ben if he knew before their overnight. That pretty much tells us that Ben and Caila did some Cinemax late-night stuff on their date, but it seems like most contestants just go “what if I didn’t do this” or whatever. It didn’t seem like Caila had any regrets.
  • She’s a smiling laugher which only adds to my belief that she’s a little bit insane.
  • I still thought there was a chance after JoJo’s date that Caila would stay. When Caila came to surprise Ben, 30 minutes remained. SO MUCH CAN STILL HAPPEN! But nothing really did. Caila walked into her own death trap and it wasn’t like how Leah did it earlier. Leah was not a very good person. I think Caila is. She legitimately thought she was going to see her future husband and he would be excited to see her. Well….. Again, this is your weekly reminder that Caila broke up with her previous boyfriend BECAUSE SHE SAW BEN ON TV!

Here’s to hoping Caila will be the Bachelorette so we can see her dad’s sick-ass orange pants again.

Lauren

She’s gotta be the favorite here, right?

Was I fan of her red dress at the rose ceremony? No.

Do I think she should wear her periwinkle dress wherever she goes? 100% yes.

The two saved turtles or some shit which seems like the most boring date in the world.

Lauren was the second to tell Ben she loves him. Ben kissed Caila after she told him. Ben told Lauren that he’s been in love with her for a while now, something that wasn’t exactly surprising to anyone. All the girls have been scared shitless of Lauren throughout the entire process and they get to see more than us. There’s a reason for this.

Lauren keeps telling Ben that he’s her dream guy. She’s selling herself short here. She’s good looking, comes from a solid family and doesn’t seem to be waving the crazy flag. We aren’t sure on her personality but everyone in the house (minus Leah) seemed to like her.

Ben is whatever. He’s a good-looking tall guy who says “like” a lot and is about as much fun as a flat football. I’m also convinced that females think 70 percent of tall men are attractive.

Lauren is probably going to win.

JoJo

If JoJo is the first date, does Ben tell her he loves her? I don’t think so.

What I think happened:

Ben told Lauren he loved her. Producers were like “oh shit, Ben. What are you doing?!” after that and encouraged Ben to maybe feel the same way about JoJo and maybe tell her on their date that he loves her. If he doesn’t, the show’s pretty much over, right?

I’m not sure how Ben can get over JoJo’s crazy family.

Dad: Looks like he’s probably killed someone before and looks like nobody else in the family.

Mom: Has had at least 23 plastic surgeries and looks like nobody else in the world.

Brothers: The worst-case scenario for any incoming boyfriend.

JoJo was forcing it in this episode, but it worked. She knew she had some work to do after the mostly disastrous hometown visit.

Sidenotes: I’m probably in the small percentage of guys out there saying this, but she might need to invest in bigger swimsuit tops in the future. Actually, her overall fashion could use some work. And this is coming from a guy who wears mismatched socks almost daily and only has two pairs of jeans. I also wore nothing but Vikings jerseys in third grade. In related news, nobody wanted to be my Valentine.

My prediction (based on some of the teasers): Ben picks Lauren. Starts crying about hurting JoJo. Calls JoJo on the phone to tell her that he will always love her as a friend or some shit like that.

Ben

You’ve created a monster, Ben. Yourself.

The man who was afraid of being unlovable was told on three consecutive dates that his whole life has been a lie.

After the first date, he was able to contain it. Maybe it was too good to be true. Maybe he heard her wrong. But then Lauren said to him again and he couldn’t stop dropping the L bomb.

The episode was an all-around disaster for Ben. He came out rocking a terrible pink shirt. He couldn’t stop sweating throughout the show. And the producers thought it was a good idea for Ben to climb an ancient pyramid that could fall at any time in flip flops.

He opened the episode saying, “I think I could fall in love in Jamaica.”

Well, mission accomplished! Twice! Now you’ve got a damn mess on your hands.

That’s all for this week. Next week, we’ll go through pros and cons of Lauren and JoJo.

I love you.